Enough already. In this blog, I plan to share with you a few completely unproven life truths that I am sure are 100% true, 100% of the time. This is a belief. Beliefs cannot statistically be disproven. Hence this is all true provided you believe my beliefs. So just believe. If it worked for X-Files fans, it'll work for you.
What you will read now is true for everyone, including you. If not for you, you are the exception - probably the type Darwin said were on the receiving end of evolution.
Swimming
60% of the occasions on which you travel to a place with a pool or a body of water in which you can flail your arms around in while urinating surreptitiously and smugly, you will have forgotten your swimming attire at home. This percentage drops if you have few friends or are from Europe. Of those of you in this category, 80% will consider whether underwear passes for acceptable swimwear. While 95% of the time this will be completely unacceptable (either because of the underwear you subscribe to or what you look like semi-naked) 50% of you will swim in your underwear anyway. The odds of you doing this goes up if you look like you belong in a catalogue or are senile. 50% of the time, society or the opposite sex will dislike this - especially if you're a career sugar daddy with a girlfriend 30% younger than you. Something to consider - if you are body beautiful and not from Europe, go swimming often and consider not wearing underwear at all. Ever.
1 comment:
I am now your 'Blog Friend'
100% of me thinks that the above statement makes me feel like a distant associate and in no way reflects our true relationship. Whilst pondering blogs and followers in general I have come to the conclusion that 63% of people that are 'Blog Friends' or 'Twitter Seekers' hold a genuine belief that they are both enhancing themselves at the same time as displaying their true friendship through their ability to associate themselves to any individual that they know who posts things on the internet. 78% of these people will not ever respond to the information that they passively receive and 40% of these people will read less than 50% of the output that they subscribe to. The remaining 27% of 'Blog Friends' and 'Twitter Seekers' follow because they believe that if they don't then they will loose contact with the person they are following; therefore not following is akin to biting their thumb at the aforementioned friend. Non of the above counts for those involved in 'Faceshit', these people are abhorant.
I am none of the above. Put simply I am an anomoly, a freak of the internet age who's rejection of Tweets and Blogs comes from the fact that i need no more weak relationships or bonds with people who I used to know. I am perfectly happy with those who I have strong and
functioning relationships with, and have no more time to dedicate to those people who feel then need to have 10,000,000 Myspace friends. I
have little to contribute to the online community because my inherent friendship strengths come in the form of support and embarassment, both of myself and also of my friends in many different social situations. None of these can be re-produced 'on-line'.
I will continue to read your blog and have subscribed to it because, as a true friend, I wish to support you in all your creative
endeavours.
Wally
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