7) Anger-part deux

If you are an office worker, or a commuter, you are likely to spend 5% of your day today swearing at or getting irate at inanimate objects. Popularly these include:

• Pocket change
• Your keys
• Your phone
• Your PC
• Fiddly toilet roll dispensers
• The car parked badly in the parking lot
• The CCTV watching you when you want to inflict some damage on said car

There are also animate objects you will swear at - albeit in the secure confines of your car or the scrambled confines of your shortcircuiting mind. Each situation includes one son of a b****/b**** (delete as appropriate) who is 7% of the time:

• Stalling at the traffic lights in front of you
• Stopping early at the traffic lights in front of you
• In the lunch queue asking questions about their allergies and soya alternatives
• Talking on/swearing at their phone in the ticket queue in front of you while you’re looking for/swearing at the change for your tickets
• Wasting time behind the toilet door, playing phone games while you're waiting to relieve yourself publicly

Rest assured that when you are playing snake, sudoku or Four Square on your phone while on the office toilet and some poor human being is waiting on the other side doing the umbungo dance praying for the door to open, they may spend a good amount of time putting some sort of funky mental hex on you. If you happen to find a melted Ken doll on your table, take it as a warning and not a mistake or a happy coincidence. That’s one inanimate object and its owner you don’t want to mess with.  Anger out.