Random Acts of Nudity

There is a 22.4% chance that on a few occasions in your life, you have whipped off your last piece of clothing at a moment when you are fully aware there is a risk of being spotted by someone you don't want to be spotted by.  Those not in this group just aren't living life in the fast lane.

(This stat however, does not apply to people who look like Fabio or Adriana Lima.  Not only have they spent most of their professional lives semi-naked, but being naked is a win-win situation for all concerned (okay, a bit unfair for those stuck with Fabio but it was funnier thinking of him getting caught naked than George Clooney or Brad Pitt - which in itself is kind of gross and creepy for me).

Typically, this random act of flash-nudity (nyuk!) occurs at a split second when you're alone and in need of quickly disrobing before robing.  This also usually involves the removal and adornment of underwear for men and tops or bras for women.  The random act of nudity also typically happens when you know your curtains are open and dirty neighbours are probably staring at you through binoculars (in my neighbourhood it's practically impossible not to be doing so anyway) or in changing rooms where the curtain doesn't really conceal your vulnerably naked body, at swimming pool or gym changing rooms with faulty locks, whilst travelling in places where locks are a misnomer or in friend's houses where you find yourself in the guest room and can't be bothered to lock the door.

Now, being naked for that split second is not essentially the problem.  Clothes get whipped off quickly enough and everyone suddenly becomes very good at the frenetic 'don't look at my body' dance even if noone's in the room. But for 82% of people trying to slip out of off their clothes before diving into some modesty-protective gear, the switch is anything but smooth.  For men, throwing a foot hurriedly into a pair of Y-fronts usually ends in either a ripped gusset or a stumble headfirst into concrete and the ignominy of someone walking in, taking a photo and laughing uncontrollably anyway.  However, women are a little more deft at slotting their feet through underwear leg holes, unless they're balance challenged or fat and become  prone to the male malaise of underwear destruction too.  But, a larger percentage become completely inept at the bra strap thing (I empathise), fussing, fidgeting and sweating profusely without making any progress.  Others then hurriedly pull on a top and get tangled in the sleeves or put their heads through the arm hole looking momentarily like confused ostriches in turtleneck t-shirts.

Moral of story - lock the door, shut the curtains or simply take a moment to conceal your nekkid body with care.  Not doing so means there's a 17% chance that someone will see you naked and the result won't be pretty for them, you and all the people on facebook that 'like' your embarrassment.  Unless of course you're Adriana Lima.  In which case, everybody's happy.