There's a high chance you forgot mother's day. But don't worry. It's not your fault. In fact the jury's till out on:
a) who started this ridiculous tradition (surely not real moms. Real moms are too busy to have time for creating such overindulgent and sappy days dedicated all to themselves. You'd have to count on a man for such wizardry. When women take a day for themselves, chances are its a hundred thousand miles away from family; but the closest spa would do.)
b) which holiday is the real one. I refuse to look it up. If you have to Google a particular holiday to see when it is, (for me15th, or no wait, 17th March is the only real holiday I know and that too, its for a Welsh origin Irish saint - give me that sort of confusion any day).
But the fact is, we shouldn't have to concoct a day to say thank you to our mothers. The basis of these holidays is simply to cash in on the world's guilt. Most real mums will turn around on mother's day and say 'Listen champ - I do this every day - I do it because I feel the need to do it.' And secondly - I suspect the whole Mother's Day thing is a tad anachronistic, seeing as the world has really departed from this romantic notion of mummy, daddy, two kids. The world's a little more variegated these days. What next? A third step brother day and a Daddy's Mistress Day - why not? These sorry individuals probably deserve more recognition for sticking it out with you and yours when they didn't actually choose to. You can't choose family and that's been a mythical and legendary bane of human existence since we first procreated. With the world the way it is today, we've got more family, secret siblings and mummies and daddies in the wings than ever before. Shouldn't they get special days for having to live with the ignominy of their less than pleasing family classifications? They certainly deserve it.
So back to the misery of global guilt capitalism. While we all ought to stick it to the man and really appreciate our loved ones when its convenient to us and them, and with things other than mass produced confectionary and cards churned out by a Mom and Pop factory in China (see what I did there?), the holiday gets us. While real moms and dads will say they don't need a day to be celebrated, the niggly thought that it would have been nice to receive something, or the niggly thought that you ought to have given something, means that some prick somewhere just cashed in on the guilty conscience. And capitalism wrings its hands in delight wondering how else it might squeeze some money out of you. I have some suggestions.
If we're going to give people days and make money off it, I'd like to propose the following:
a) who started this ridiculous tradition (surely not real moms. Real moms are too busy to have time for creating such overindulgent and sappy days dedicated all to themselves. You'd have to count on a man for such wizardry. When women take a day for themselves, chances are its a hundred thousand miles away from family; but the closest spa would do.)
b) which holiday is the real one. I refuse to look it up. If you have to Google a particular holiday to see when it is, (for me15th, or no wait, 17th March is the only real holiday I know and that too, its for a Welsh origin Irish saint - give me that sort of confusion any day).
But the fact is, we shouldn't have to concoct a day to say thank you to our mothers. The basis of these holidays is simply to cash in on the world's guilt. Most real mums will turn around on mother's day and say 'Listen champ - I do this every day - I do it because I feel the need to do it.' And secondly - I suspect the whole Mother's Day thing is a tad anachronistic, seeing as the world has really departed from this romantic notion of mummy, daddy, two kids. The world's a little more variegated these days. What next? A third step brother day and a Daddy's Mistress Day - why not? These sorry individuals probably deserve more recognition for sticking it out with you and yours when they didn't actually choose to. You can't choose family and that's been a mythical and legendary bane of human existence since we first procreated. With the world the way it is today, we've got more family, secret siblings and mummies and daddies in the wings than ever before. Shouldn't they get special days for having to live with the ignominy of their less than pleasing family classifications? They certainly deserve it.
So back to the misery of global guilt capitalism. While we all ought to stick it to the man and really appreciate our loved ones when its convenient to us and them, and with things other than mass produced confectionary and cards churned out by a Mom and Pop factory in China (see what I did there?), the holiday gets us. While real moms and dads will say they don't need a day to be celebrated, the niggly thought that it would have been nice to receive something, or the niggly thought that you ought to have given something, means that some prick somewhere just cashed in on the guilty conscience. And capitalism wrings its hands in delight wondering how else it might squeeze some money out of you. I have some suggestions.
If we're going to give people days and make money off it, I'd like to propose the following:
- Sorry we put you in an old persons' home day
- You're a publicly corrupt politician and/or murderer but you're rich and powerful and a member of our family so we'll look the other way day
- I should have married you day
- Tranny Day
- I've stolen office stationery day
And while we're at it, I have copyright on these so when you send a card or gift for any of these things, please make a cheque out for 10% of it to me.
Thank you.
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